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  • Gun Show Weekend 3/28/2021

    Posted by ashley308 on April 1, 2021 at 6:23 pm

    **BIDEN COMIN!**

    I GOT MY STIMMY!

    I GOT MY TAX RETURN!!!*

    *- It’s actually a refund

    Individually, all of these things would lead to depressed firearm inventories and increased demand. But all at the same time? Holy hell.

    I’m at a gun show again. Eric is across the aisle from me with a big stack of guns. He’s got 12 tables and he and his wife do the show. He’s got 10,000 rounds of Remington UMC at $900 a thousand. It’s the cheapest brass cased 9mm at the show. He used to give the stuff away if you bought a gun and now he’s at $45/box.

    My setup is low. I’m way down on material. I have a handful of glocks, I am down to three sigs. I have a handful of M&P’s and stripped lowers. I have TWO 10/22 rifles. I have ONE shotgun. I have a few springfields and rugers. My table has about 50 guns on it. It normally carries 125 and they’re stacked 5 high.

    I’ve been doing a lot of gun shows and a lot of dealers help me with transfers when I’m on the road, so when I’m at the home base, I try to help them out with transfers. I don’t want to lose a sale and one hand washes the other, so rather than compete, I might as well make money. Inventory has been so hard to come by that the only way for me to reliably keep money coming in is doing cheap transfers for the bigger dealers. One of them sends me a lot of transfers and although the money isn’t great, if you can do them fast, you can make some money.

    And in this market, some money beats no money.

    Or does it?

    My trusty whiteboard and jersey mikes sub accompany me to the show Saturday morning. The show last week was cranking, the show this week will be equally busy. I grab a short stack and corned beef hash with two eggs over medium at the diner to go and I eat it at the show before it opens.

    The breakfast of champions is a good choice. The line to get into the show was around the building and out into the overflow parking lot behind the building heading all the way down the sidewalk to station 17 a block over. I finish off my corned beef hash, wipe my mouth, put on my face mask and start my plan of attack. I laid out the table as best I could with my limited inventory. I have three whole feet of empty space. and that’s even after my attempts to backfill with stuff spread out like cans, stripped lowers, parts kits, Aimpoint PRO’s and T2’s.

    9AM – the doors open and the floodgates begin. I crank off a sale to a person with a perm resident green card first thing. He has cash, he fills out the form CORRECTLY the first time and all his ID is in order. He didn’t even ask me for a discount and I’m so amazed that I throw in a box of mini mags with his purchase. Super nice guy.

    The rest of the day went downhill from there.

    10AM to Noon

    Nonstop answering questions and helping people and doing transfers for other dealers. Everyone is listening and reading the instructions and doing their forms right. I have four clipboards out at my busiest and that still isn’t enough. I write a tiffany blue Glock for a lady who just loves the color and who am I to argue? If the customer has money, the customer is always right.

    My markup on the Tiffany blue gun is……well lets just say this. I’m able to pay for the two tables for the weekend, breakfast and lunch for both days and all my overhead for the month of April with that one sale. Yeah. I need more of those. She had cash was very nice and I got her paperwork working and she went to Lowes and Home depot and returned to the show very excited after her green light from the government came in. I wish all my customers had her level of enthusiasm.

    I have about three people without current ID. I explain to them, not a big deal just bring me a utility bill or a new ID and it’ll be fine. You can update the ID at the state office or bring me a hunting or fishing license or whatever. Alll of them ask me if a lease or their verizon or AT&T or Tmobile or Cricket Wireless bill works. No dice. I tell them if they don’t want to go to the DMV, go to the state fishing license portal.

    Get the cheapest license that they offer for fishing. I think a hook and line cane pole license is like $2.50. No I am not joking. For less than a cup of Ariana Grande at Starbucks, you can avoid the shitshow that is the fucking DMV because your license isn’t current. I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU MAKE IT EASY. All three of them are like okay, thanks for letting me avoid that crazy place!

    Until noon. I’m trying to take a break and eat my sandwich.

    A dealer comes over with a transfer. Guy comes over and I check his ID, as usual.

    Conversation goes like this.

    Me: Okay Eddie, you still live on Main Street?

    Eddie: AW SNAP is that what that says? Naw man thats my ex wife’s house now, I don’t live there no more.

    Me: Okay, no problem. Bring me government docs or a new license when you come in to pick up. Under state law you need to update your license but if you can’t find time to do it right now because everything is by appointment, go on the state fishing license website and just get the el cheapo fishing license and bring that in or email it over to me and this will be fine.

    Eddie: You mean I can’t get this with my ID like this?

    Me: No, your ID has to be current.

    Eddie: It is current. It expires in 2026.

    Me: If it does not have your current address, it’s not current.

    Eddie: Oh okay, how about I just write my old address on there?

    Me: You’ve already told me that your address isn’t current. I can’t accept it if it’s not current.

    Eddies Mom is standing behind him. She decides to chime in in a tone that I used to call uppity. I’m told that I can’t call people’s attitude uppity anymore since it’s racist. So I wont call Eddie’s mom uppity.

    Eddie’s Mom: YOU AINT MAKIN MY BABY DO A DAMN THING YOU TAKING THAT ID AND MY BABY GETTING HIS GUN

    She’s not being uppity.

    She’s being a cunt.

    I can feel my back tensing up and my blood pressure rising.

    Me: I was talking to him, not you. And Eddie, if you want me to process this I need you to follow all federal laws with the purchase. I’m trying to help you. If you can go get an updated drivers license like you should already have, that’s best. But if you don’t want to do that the easiest way to do so is to just get a two dollar and fiddy cent fishing license off the state website.

    Eddies Mom: OR YOU GONNA GIVE MY SON BACK HIS MONEY!

    (Editors note: THIS IS A TRANSFER. I don’t have his money.)

    Me: I don’t have his money, I just need to follow all state and federal laws……

    Eddies Mom: I DONT CARE WHAT YOU NEED TO FOLLOW! BABY LETS GO I’M FIXIN TO GET YOUR MONEY BACK

    Dealer comes back over and I tell Maddie that I’m trying to get an update ID but Eddie’s mom won’t seem to have any of it. Eddie’s mom, who is in earshot hears me and as Maddie walks away with the gun intending to refund them….

    Eddie’s Mom: THAT ASSHOLE FULL OF SHIT HE LYIN HE DIDNT TELL ME NOTHING HE TREATIN MY BABY BOY LIKE HE SOME SECOND RATE CITIZEN AND WONT LET HIM GET HIS GUN HE RACIST

    (Editors note: Lady, you have not yet *begun* to see me be racist. I’ve seen racism before and let me tell you, this aint it.)

    Un-fucking believable.

    Noon to 4PM

    Nonstop transfers and questions. My sale count so far of the day is two guns. But the two guns that I did sell have given me plenty of profit after expenses. A busy table looks a hell of a lot better than a slow table.

    A few potent potables as I try to eat lunch.

    Guy: See these guns are what you want

    Lady: How big are the clips?

    Guy: Magazines not clips, they’re different!

    Lady: How so?

    Guy: Everyone gets them wrong. The magazines use a spring and a follower and a tube.

    Lady: What’s a clip do?

    Guy: It uses spring tension to hold all the bullets together by the back of the bullet.

    (I didn’t even put down my sandwich to correct him, it wasn’t worth it.)

    1: I have one of these guns in 38! (points at Ruger Security 9)

    Me: One of those guns in 38?

    1: That’s right!

    Me: 38 special? You sure?

    1: Yep!

    Me: A 38 special automatic made by Ruger? I’d hang onto that, that sounds rare.

    1: Oh really? I thought Ruger made a lot of 38 pistols.

    Me: They do, just in revolvers. If you have an automatic it’s pretty rare.

    1: Hey Jeff! Hear that! I got a rare Ruger 38!

    I look forward to the episode of Antiques Roadshow where someone tries to tell Dr William Atwater about the 38 special Ruger Security 9.

    Around 4PM it starts slowing down. I rack up all the guns for transfer and the show closes. I cart them back to FC HQ. It’s a lot.

    Sunday:

    I roll in with a short stack of pancakes and corned beef hash again right when the show opens. It’s a slow start and I get cracking on some paperwork. I was extremely busy yesterday and missed a few spots but I put post its with corrections needed and I’ll have them corrected at firearm pickup.

    9AM to Noon

    My plan is to eat breakfast and get paperwork done. Instead, guy who can’t get the green light for his gun from three gun shows before WHO HAS THREATENED TO SUE ME BECAUSE I APPARENTLY HAVE STOLEN HIS MONEY – shows up with his NEIGHBOR IN TOW.

    He’s giving the gun to his neighbor who has a top secret firearm security clearance and is willing to do the paperwork. He produces the paper receipt that the OTHER VENDOR THAT ACTUALLY SOLD THE GUN aka NOT ME has and demands I do as he says.

    Me: That’s not happening.

    1: Why not?

    Me: Because I’d like to keep my license.

    1: WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DIFFICULT? I JUST WANT MY MONEY BACK! CAN’T YOU GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY?

    Me: It sounds like you want your money back.

    1: Yes! Is that so difficult to understand?

    Me: Do you remember what I said last time when I told you how to get your money back?

    1: No!

    Me: It was right before you said you were and I quote “waiting for your tax return to give to your attorney” and then you were planning on suing me.

    1: Uh. I don’t think I would say that?

    (me, grabbing laptop opening up email, holding up the screen to his face highlighting the portion of the message that says he’s going to sue me)

    Neighbor: Can’t you do anything for him and help him out?

    Me: I’ve told him this 4 times. This will be the fifth. GO TO THE DEALER THAT SOLD THE GUN. MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR A REFUND. I’ll charge you to ship the gun back there since they’re 3 hours away and then they’ll refund you.

    1: you’re charging me to ship it back?

    Me: Yes I am.

    1: No you’re not, you better not charge me.

    Me: Oh really? Watch me.

    He looks at his neighbor who shrugs. I got the gun, I got a headache and I got an attitude problem about this.

    Does anyone remember the film My Cousin Vinny? It’s my favorite film about life, the legal system and dispute resolution. SPOILERS AHEAD.

    >!spoiler Vinny is having a bad day and vents at Lisa. He says: Lisa, I don’t need this. I swear to God, I do not need this right now, OK? I got a judge that’s just aching to throw me in jail. An idiot who wants to fight me for $200. Slaughtered pigs. Giant loud whistles. I ain’t slept in five days. I got no money. A dress-code problem. And a little murder case which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention your… (rhythmically stomps foot three times) …biological clock, my career, your life, our marriage—and let me see what else can we pile on? Is there any more shit we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?! Is it possible?!

    Vinny has an idiot who wants to fight me for $200 in 1992 money.

    I have an idiot who wants to sue me for a transfer that I’ve made $10 on in 2021 money.

    Fuck my life.<

    So yeah, I really connect with Vincent LaGuardia Gambini on this one this morning. Fucking hell. The idiot storms off with his neighbor and I get back to breakfast of champions. I’ll need the energy today. I sell the last 1911 on my table for full price, the guy has cash and his act together. Super nice guy, even if he likes 1911’s. I won’t hold that against him. I throw in a MAKE 45ACP GREAT AGAIN hat and he seems to be very excited about wearing it at the machine shop he works at. Right after I close that transaction, I kick out a Ruger 22 pistol, my second of the weekend. Guy has cash and needs to fix a few spots on the form but nothing crazy.

    Noon is where it goes downhill.

    I have a guy that works construction doing a transfer and he admittedly “don’t read too good”. Ruh roh. I explain the form and the problem areas on it. We have the following three shouting matches

    First one:

    1. I AINT HISPANIC OR LATINO I’M WHITE! I ANSWERED THAT RIGHT HERE!

    Me: That’s 18 Bravo, I need an answer on box 18 Alpha.

    1. I DID ANSWER IT! RIGHT HERE! IT SAYS WHITE! RIGHT HERE! WHITE IS RIGHT!

    Second one:

    1. WHAT DOES IT MEAN EXPECTATIONS SET FORTH BELOW? I CHECKED NO I AINT NO ALIEN!

    Me: Read the whole thing all the way to the end, even out loud if you need to. Read the part in the parentheses.

    1. US CITIZENS NATIONALS LEAVE 2112 BLANK.

    Me: Okay so what country of citizenship are you?

    1: UNITED STATES!

    Me: So what should you have done on 21 L 2?

    1: Got it! I checked yes, happy now?

    Third time:

    (effectively same as the second time with his friend down the way yelling at him calling him a stupid redneck that can’t read)

    Yeahhhhh. I get that some folks can’t read too good but when I tell everyone the difficult parts, it makes it tough for me to have sympathy.

    I do more transfers afer that and I regret my career choice.

    I’m having a salad this morning, Jersey Mikes sub in a tub. Number thirteen this morning. Guy comes over and taps on a Ruger 22, the model that I’ve LITERALLY sold two of so far this weekend. I know the numbers.

    1. Hey man, make my friend a deal on this.

    Me: Your friend got cash?

    1. No.

    Me: Your friend have current ID and everything lined up and current?

    1. Uh.

    Me: Uh is not an answer.

    1. Come on man. (he taps on the gun) You got $200 into these guns. $250 and you can make a fast fifty. Turn em and burn em!

    Me: These guns cost me $200?

    1. Yeah man, these are $200 guns. Hook him up for $250 make youself half a yard. Come on, I know what you pay for these things.

    Me: You know what I pay for these things? Okay.

    I open the laptop. These guns just came in from Davidsons, the MOST EXPENSIVE wholesaler in the nation. They’re on allocation. I pull the invoice.

    Me: What’s the last four digits of that $200 gun?

    1: It’s uhh 2129

    Me: Good.

    (I hold up my laptop screen and make sure the serial numbers containing product 2129 are visible and I put my pen right next to the UNIT PRICE: $289 ****ALLOCATED******

    Me: Tell me more about how I pay $200 for these guns

    1: Oh I must have been thinking the Taurus TX22

    Me: Sure you were.

    1: Hey! No dealer’s ever talked to me that way as a customer.

    Me: One, you haven’t given me your money. So you’re not your customer. Two, no dealer in this room is comfortable calling someone out on their bullshit. Thankfully, I’m not most dealers. You don’t want me to talk to you that way, don’t make me call you on your bullshit.

    He walks away in a huff.

    We have a lull in the activity. Frank is selling TRUMP 2024 banners and pro MAGA tshirts. Noah is selling coins. They hear the exchange and I get thumbs up and knowing nods.

    Frank: Now it’s a gun show!

    Noah: what stunt was that guy trying to pull?

    Me: I’ve been at this over ten years. Fucks given, zero. Don’t bullshit me. These guys are all the same. All show, no go.

    It’s 1215. I get a guy wanting a Ruger 9mm, no problem. I knock it out for him. Just as I take his money, Eric shouts at me.

    Eric: WILL!

    Me: Yeah!

    Eric: System just crashed! Lisa’s been trying to login for 20 minutes, it’s kaput!

    Me: MY LUCKY DAY!

    I grab a dry erase marker and write on the sign that the background check systems are down. I go old school and call in the transaction and my customer gets the go ahead right away and he was very patient and understanding through the whole ordeal. It helps that he was still working on the form when I called in and by the time I was on hold for 34 minutes, he had managed to complete sustantially most of the 4473. He was working on striking out and initialing something when I got the go ahead on him so I snatched the clipboard back, made the notes and had him fix the rest of his form.

    That’s three rugers so far this weekend out the door at MSRP. We cranking.

    Ross my the dealer set up next to me from last week’s show. He’s at this show and he’s far from home and WAY out of position. With the system down he’s not wanting to lose sales. He sends not one, not two but THREE guns over to me for transfer and I start calling them in manually. It’s a shitty way to make $10 at a time but he’s an nice guy and I don’t want him to lose the sale since someone shoplifted a zev glock 19 slide with a faxon barrel last week and that hurts.

    I roll a Springfield 45 at asking price, guy has current ID and his act together and gets the form right the first time. I run his forms and he comes back in 10 minutes……just as I finish swiping his credit card and writing his receipt. Maybe this afternoon won’t be too bad.

    One of the Ross transfers comes over and the older guy cannot figure out the form for the life of him. We make the corrections as he sounds the questions out loud and I get his stuff kicked out. He’s super nice about it but damn this form isn’t that complicated. It takes about 45 minutes to get him and his Norinco MAK90 out the door with how slow the system is running. The rest of the transfers go pretty smooth.

    Ross sends me one more transfer, and him and his pal sit down as I push more paper.

    Friendo: Mind if I have a sit? I got a weak back

    Me: My back is KILLING ME. It hurts like hell.

    Friendo: I got a weak back. Wanna know how long ago?

    Me: How long ago?

    Friendo: About a week back! (followed by three stooges sounds)

    Me: hey that’s not bad! I went to the chriopractor the other day! She said my back isnt looking to good. I said is that so? She says yeah, and your front aint looking too hot either.

    Friendo: Hahah! My friend went to the doctor the other day. doctor gave him six months to live.

    Me: Dr Vinny Boombatz right? He couldn’t pay his bill?

    In unison: gave him another six months!

    Random spectator: Oh god you two! Regular Abbott and Costello

    Me: That’s not abbott and costello! That’s henny youngman!

    Friendo: Or Rodney Dangerfield! My wife said she wanted to go on vacation, somewhere she’s never been before.

    Me: So I took her to the kitchen!

    Friendo: Take my wife, please.

    Me: I take my wife everywhere. Took her to the grand canyon and she keeps finding her way home! Hey, my turn. Did you hear Pat Benatar got her covid vaccine?

    Friendo: Oh yeah?

    Me: Yeah she goes to the walgreens, walks in and says hit me with your best shot.

    (At this point a peanut gallery has grown around our tables and a collective groan from the existential dread of the covid19 dad joke disperses everyone)

    Friendo: Hey, you’re all right. Not many people know Henny Youngman

    Me: Or Rodney Dangerfield! That guy was the best! You know who else was good!

    In Unison: RICKLES!

    Friendo: Man you are way too young to know these bits.

    Me: What can I say, I have an appreciation for the classics. Rickles, Richard Pryor, Dangerfield, those guys were just the best.

    His friend’s green light on his gun comes in and I hand Billy his new P365. I tell him to try the veal. He does not get the joke but his friend does.

    It’s approaching 3PM. Time to start packing up. Of course, what does this mean? More transfers coming in. Three other dealers from my side of the room drop off some pleb tier AR’s. I look at the receipts. PSA complete rifles selling for $875. CZ Scorpions for $985 USED. Yikes. They don’t even have soft cases for them. It’s a good thing I have some for sale at 7-11 level profit margins.

    I hand out my last business card in the deck at 355PM to a guy wanting lowers and parts kits. Even I’m stunned that I managed to make that work.

    Show closes at 4PM and I have another dealer walk over with a transfer. Guy and his wife have bought a new rifle and his wife is looking for a Glock 9mm. I show her what I have since I haven’t packed up and we add one of them to the sale.

    My weekend sales: A pair of 45’s, some rugers, a couple glocks. I’ve sold seven guns and made well over $1000 after expenses. Plus the shopping cart full of transfers that I’m doing even if they are cheap makes for a relatively decent weekend and many chances to upsell in the future!

    I head home, write up this insanity and quaff a root beer and ibuprofen as I post this from my neighbors stolen unsecured wifi connection.

    Just another weekend living the dream.

    Anyone want to guess how many firearms that three dealers and one pawn shop sent me? Price is right rules. Closest without busting wins. I may or may not decide on a prize or a donation to a charity or some internet chicanery to amuse us all for your prize. IDK. Fuck it. I’m tired.

    ashley308 replied 1 year, 5 months ago 2 Members · 1 Reply
  • 1 Reply
  • HerMajestysButthole

    Guest
    April 1, 2021 at 6:23 pm

    Henny Youngman had a 10 second standup bit in Goodfellas.

    *My wife told me she wanted to go somewhere she’d never been before. I told her she should try the kitchen.*

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