Not sure where else to post this: How do I own any sort of weapon when I’m chronically suicidal?

[Robert]

*Disclaimer: I say chronically for a reason. I am treated but have life-long emotional regulation issues due to a neurological disorder I have. Please don’t tell me to get on meds or get a therapist because I’ve already done all that. It also doesn’t mean I’m suicidal every day. However I am “casually suicidal” often and go through strong suicidal episodes every few months. I have never attempted suicide.*
I am a 5ft ~90 lb woman. I work out, but the reality is if I were a body builder I’d still be no match against, say, even the average man, which is why I’d like a weapon
I’ll also be traveling for work. I’d like to avoid the very dangerous areas but unfortunately some areas are safer than others and that’s just how it goes.
Basically my question isn’t just about guns but instead *any* weapons (I couldn’t find another sub for this question, sorry). Guns would probably be my last resort since it’s so easy to commit suicide with. But I’m wondering if people have experiences with other weaponry that works well? I feel like the only thing I’ve come up with that would be safe for me is pepper spray but so much can go wrong with it (I can just imagine panicking and ending up spraying myself with it lmfao; or if the wind is blowing towards me…yikes).
Any ideas? Thank you.

Discussion